Sweet Release, Temporary Freedom

In my last blog post i alluded to the fact that there have been a few developments of late i intended to write about. The subject of this post would've definitely taken away from the subject of the prior post, because shortly after being kind of mocked at a fetish party for being 8 months without a satisfying orgasm, that drought has finally been broken.

Many times i had politely suggested to Goddess D that physiologically i felt all messed up and needed a reset. Many times She pretty much told me She didn't care, and that She wanted at least a year if not longer. Fast forward to a Friday night in a college town where we went out to some of the local bars. Both of us had a good time and a decent amount to drink, but one drink order in particular put me over the top in terms of inebriation. Basically i had ordered a mixed drink that was more than large enough to share, but She didn't seem to have any interest in it. Instead, She allowed me to get pretty messed up off of it while She remained relatively under control. When we got back to the hotel room i was in pretty bad shape and crashed onto the bed. It was very late, probably about 4 AM. The thought of engaging in any kind of activities in the bedroom at that point had not even crossed my mind. Yet D was feeling something and just seems to love when i'm especially vulnerable in moments like that. She pretty much pinned me down and attacked. It wasn't long before Her panties were off and She was sitting down on my face, closing off all ability to see and breathe and started playing with my nonresponsive (due to level of drunkenness) equipment down there. As much as i flailed and tried to get free to breathe, She almost effortlessly put me right back where i was, as i was dizzy and had very little strength to force Her off. Eventually, although it took a little longer than normal, this did arouse me and i finally got hard for Her.

Very often in our Domme/sub relationship, and in many of our clips, D does things like this to me only to ruin an orgasm or to stop altogether and get Her vibraror to finish Herself off in front of my face. Every once in a while though She does decide that She wants the real thing and that was the case here. She had every intention of doing this for a while and then hopping off and denying me again, but this time, possibly as a result of some drinking Herself, She just got so into it that She pushed me far past the point of no return. Honestly i wasn't trying to hide it or sneak it, my groans were very audible and picking up as we got closer and closer to that moment and even after i exploded she didn't realize it until many seconds afterwards. She hopped off in an attempt to ruin but we were far past that point (although i'm not going to lie at that point i'd have loved a few more extra bounces). She may have just assumed that i wouldn't be able to cum after all that drinking, but i definitely was. After 8 months denied, that was an incredible feeling, drunk or not.

Now that this has happened, i do have to admit that over the last few months i found myself almost hiding from anything sexual due to my situation. What i mean by that is i was almost afraid to get aroused by anything sexually or even think about it when away from home out of fear that i would cum involuntarily. And i'm not sure that it ever would've happened, but there were definitely times even walking around day-to-day that it felt unusually sensitive down there and that just maybe it was possible that could happen. As much as i hate to say it, in a way it just kind of stopped being fun when it got to that point, not all the time but certainly part of the time. It's difficult to enjoy an intense ongoing interaction with D when i feel i have no choice but to shut down in order to avoid complete embarrassment. However, if D was enjoying it then i was in no place to complain, as Her desires come first. When this was at its most intense, a few sexual thoughts when in the company of beautiful Women was harmless and added to my torture. All of this is a function i think of having never gone longer than a month without orgasm and just reaching a deep level of uncharted territory to the point where it became somewhat aimless.

By the way, if you want something that sums up how i was feeling day-to-day, my greatest fears are captured hilariously by the Lonely Island video "Jizz in My Pants". So hilarious but for real i felt like this could've been me haha.

So now that i've had a release, what next? Of course, D could just put a stop to any more happening like that. After all it's only one time. Fortunately, i think now that this has happened She agrees that after that amount of time a short holiday may be the best approach. For the last few weeks i've been free to cum normally, and have been doing so pretty much daily. This has all pretty much reminded me how great it feels and admittedly i'd love it for the holiday to last into the foreseeable future at this point. The topic of chastity is still a major turn-on, but the ability to enjoy orgasms is something that i definitely took for granted and am greatly appreciating right now.

Despite that, D has made it pretty clear that She doesn't like this. She's busy with some things right now and is taking a bit of a holiday from paying attention to these matters for the moment. But it's clear that She prefers to control me. Never did i think we'd reach a place in our lives where we evolved into a true Dominant/submissive situation but there's no changing Her mind on that now. Any day now, and i'm not sure when, She's going to put me back into chastity. And the fear this time is that it's going to be for at least a year. She's mentioned it multiple times and it seems to be a goal of Hers to force me into an entire year out of my life of that torture. And of course that's not all. The things that will be done to me throughout that time are going to be a lot to handle. She just ordered a bondage sack in the mail, which i'm sure will be used to hold me helplessly in place while She cruelly ruins orgasms or just prevents my movement and keeps me where She wants me while She runs Her errands.  She also ordered a funnel gag and, well, that's just scary. With every intensely pleasurable orgasm i indulge in now, those things are kind of in the back of my mind. These are highly arousing but also highly intimidating thoughts. Before long, much of it will be reality so surely there will be more stories to come.

Fetish Party!

It's been busy of late and there hasn't been much time to blog, but i hope to find some more time to write as there have been several developments of late. The many new experiences in the current year have been one heck of a roller coaster ride. There are times when it's non-stop intense and other times where it all just kind of has to calm down a little bit, but overall i'm just thrilled with the ride!

One really cool experience that happened recently in our travels was getting invited to a fetish party. It's kind of a long story as to how this developed. A few years back i ordered a custom clip from a Domme, one whose work i've been familiar with and a fan of for some time. Just to be extra cautious i'll keep Her identity anonymous for purposes of this blog. Funny thing is i've not really ordered that many customs over the years but it pretty much has happened only when Goddess D has had me in chastity. A couple of weeks into not being able to cum i just get these really intense sexual urges and i find myself seeking other forms of stimulation to compensate. The denied feeling gets really intense and i sort of helplessly do things to drive myself deeper into frustration. Goddess D knows this pattern by now and mostly encourages it. At the end of the day it's a lot of fun once we're on the same page with each other. We definitely understand what makes the other tick and it really is harmless fun (and definitely profitable for several hard-working Dommes in the industry)!

Anyway, back to the fetish party. The Domme who filmed that custom clip a few years ago seems very supportive of others in the industry and actually started following Goddess D a while back. To the best of my knowledge i don't think She had any idea of the connection between Goddess D and my custom. As a matter of fact i'm almost sure She didn't. So that was just one of those cool moments where Goddess D realized that we're not only fans but in some very small way, peers as well. In my enthusiasm i interacted with this Domme over Twitter a few times and She was kind enough to suggest we let Her know if we're ever in Her area. Never did i really expect She'd actually want to meet us, but we did happen to be in Her area recently and notified Her in passing, and She actually invited us to a fetish party being held one evening.

Now, as adventurous as Goddess D and i have been of late, a fetish party is something completely new to both of us. Just having content on the internet was a huge step but we've never been in an environment where strangers are engaging in fetish-related activities. We had no idea really what to expect, what to wear or anything, but this was too cool of an opportunity to pass up and we showed up. The moment we arrived we immediately recognized not just the Domme i interacted with but another very well known Domme pretty much greeting everyone at the door and looking beautiful as they always do. It was kind of awkward walking up and introducing ourselves because for that first meeting they really had no idea who we were, but we introduced ourselves and entered the building. It was a super cool playspace with all kinds of activities already going on. Most of it wasn't even Femdom. Just people with all types of different fetish interests hanging out, some actually being tied up, spanked and whipped in various ways. Many appeared to be couples and others perhaps not but more than willing to play anyway. Others simply observed and had friendly chats with people. It was a very open and welcoming environment.

We actually had a pretty lengthy conversation with a very cool couple there who is involved in a male dominant, female submissive relationship, and although our interests couldn't be further apart from each other, it was a really interesting conversation. It was evident that they were very much in love with each other and both found the power dynamic in their relationship fulfilling much like Goddess D and i do in ours. We chatted a bit about what they're looking for in their sexual relationship and discussed our clip store a bit ourselves. It was an eye opening and entertaining conversation for all involved.

Eventually after being there for a while we returned to the front and struck up a conversation with the two well-known Dommes. We expressed how grateful we were for the invite and made it very clear that this was our first such experience. You'd think i'd be extremely nervous just having a casual conversation with two Dommes i've observed on the internet for years, but honestly they were just such cool people i wasn't nervous at all. It was so fun to just talk about our clip store with them and share experiences on some level. They are both extremely busy people and although i'd have loved to talk to them all night, it was pretty thrilling to even have about 10-15 minutes to chat.

At one point during the conversation Goddess D informed them about how i haven't cum in 8 months, which just caught me very off-guard. That kind of embarrassed me a little, until the Domme who invited us immediately reacted excitedly and yelled across the room to the bartender pointing at me "This guy hasn't cum in 8 months!" That's when i froze and just kind of freaked out a bit. It was actually really funny and he was a very friendly bartender from the very beginning, but i just froze. He may have even tried to get me to walk over and high five him i can't even remember. She was nice enough to point out that this was a fetish party and nobody cares, and of course i knew that. When i think back on it, that was a really cool moment, to have a Domme i've long been a fan of from a distance comment on my chastity situation in person like that right in front of me.

We just all kind of hung out in a friendly way like any other party to the point where it never really fully sunk in who we were hanging with until after we left. As busy as they are it was such a small interaction to them but had such a major impact on Goddess D and i and we were so glad we came. One of the Dommes actually asked if D wanted to tie me up or something but She hasn't learned the rope skills that many of the folks there were demonstrating and it was already kind of getting late in the night. We eventually let them carry on into conversations with other people, we walked around a bit more and finally exchanged hugs at the door on our way out. i was probably mostly a babbling idiot but it was clear they enjoyed Goddess D's personality from the start, and i wasn't the slightest bit surprised about that.

In our travels we did also have dinner another Domme, and since She Tweeted about it i'll go ahead and disclose that it was Goddess Sapphire. That was a pretty crazy conversation as well because it was mostly Goddess Sapphire and Goddess D going on with a multiple hour conversation just talking about ways to torture their subs. We finished dinner and still stayed well past the restaurant's closing time. Being in the presence of two Goddesses just openly discussing how to torment lowly subs such as myself was kinda crazy lol.

It was really cool to come out of our shell and meet people in the fetish community like we did recently. Although i'll be the first to admit in a different setting i'd be intimidated as fuck being in the presence of these amazing Women, they're human beings like anyone else first and foremost. Both Goddess D and i were glad to meet all of them. i'm sure that won't be our last fetish party nor will it be our last in-person interaction with folks in the fetish community.

There's plenty more to write about. Princess Sheridan created an awesome custom clip for Goddess D and i, renewing our wedding vows in a Femdom setting. It goes without saying that Princess Sheridan is smart and sexy in all of Her clips, but i must admit that Her sense of humor (at my expense, no doubt), was the most amazing thing about the clip. It was so clever and witty and we had no idea what the subject of the clip was going to be before we received it!

i could go on and on but it's time for bed. Hopefully i have more time to revisit the blog soon!