Goddess D's Continuing Evolution

Princess Sheridan has said a lot of things to me over the past few months, as i'm sure She has to all of Her owned subs. Some of Her words embarrass or humiliate me. Some of them scare me. Some of them excite me. Some of them make me marvel at Her way with words and their delivery. Many of them do all of the above. And then sometimes She says things, usually in reference to Goddess D, that i really have a hard time believing in that moment. Yet weeks later i look back on it and i see exactly what She said coming to fruition.

The most obvious such comment was early on when She basically asked if i could handle the changes in Goddess D, that She was playing then but eventually i would find myself married to an actual Domme. To be honest i took that with a grain of salt. i was having fun, but i really didn't see that same vision. Goddess D and i have been together for so long. Was that kind of change really possible? Well, i see it now.

Another statement, shortly after Princess Sheridan generously invited Goddess D to play with some of Her subs, was that just like i am one of many to Princess, the same is now true of my relationship to Goddess D. i guess i really didn't see that happening on any kind of significant scale either, but suddenly i see that Goddess is having genuine fun with this. Unfortunately for Yuri, that trend seems to be continuing. i hear from Goddess D often enough about some high level conversations She has with Yuri, but then i see the screen shots with the specific conversations posted in his blog and i'm just sort of blown away. Where is this coming from? Yuri and i definitely have some of the same fetishes, and as a result i do think Goddess is especially skilled at torturing him, but i'm most astounded by how much genuine enjoyment She gets out of it and how excited She is about the prospect of having multiple subs to amuse Her.

Goddess is now getting more attention on Twitter as She gains more and more followers and seems likely to take on new interactions if She's spoiled and entertained enough. i can't sit here and tell you what things will look like in six months or a year, but i do have to guess very different than they are today! it'll be really interesting to see how things evolve. As men become infatuated with Goddess on Twitter, She's started to require tributes for the privilege of Her attention (Princess Sheridan's owned subs excluded of course). Pictures like this certainly do cause such swooning reactions from men:

i can tell Goddess D feels empowered by the attention, and if there's any curiosity as to my feelings about Her taking on these types of interactions, i'm completely secure with it. She deserves to be worshipped and spoiled as much as possible! i'm just lucky to have the privilege of serving her directly in person. Very, very, very lucky. Princess reminds me of that all the time and there's always something amazing about hearing another gorgeous Domme compliment my wife in that manner. i do not take any of this for granted. i feel like i'm one of the luckiest men in the world on so many different levels.

Goddess seems ready to torture me at almost any time and now that our new webcam has arrived, i'm already very concerned about what's ahead. i'm excited, but i'm concerned based on some of what has happened to me already. Even if Goddess wanted to take it easy on me, and She doesn't, Princess is planting new ideas in Her head all the time! One of my nicknames that came from Princess early on was "dummy." There's no doubt i'll be used as Goddess D's personal dummy in front of the camera for hours at a time with plenty of input from Princess Sheridan. It really is a very helpless feeling especially after being prevented orgasm for close to 90 days now.

Surprisingly, while i'm definitely desperate for orgasm, being a little busy over the last week has kept my mind off it enough where i don't feel like i'm going completely insane. That could change at the drop of a dime however. i do seem to go through cycles where sometimes i'm extremely horny and other times i'm just resigned to the fact that my cock is locked away and i can be somewhat chill about it. Regardless of which phase i'm in, i'm always thinking about all of what is happening and this surreal life i'm living. i always look forward to my next interactions with Goddess D and Princess Sheridan. It's like a game of chess that i can never really win, but i love the intellectual challenge all the same and can't get enough!

Putting Some Boundaries to the Test

As i mentioned in my last post, i knew there were some toys coming in the mail and that there was definitely going to be some pain in my near future. i was at least somewhat mentally prepared for the paddle and whips that were on the way. i wish i was as well prepared for everything else that was going to happen. In hindsight i'm not sure how i didn't see this coming.

More than a week ago Goddess D after speaking with Princess Sheridan asked me a few questions about my limits. One of those questions related to the idea of a prostate milking and basically, whether or not that was a hard limit for me. That question kind of froze me. Using the scale i presented before where 1 = no way and 10 = exciting to the max, this idea registered about a 2. When i see stuff on the internet involving a guy in chastity being forced into ruined orgasms that way, or even getting pegged, there's definitely a part of me that sees the appeal strictly due to the level of control the Domme has and his helpless predicament. It's certainly a humiliating act. Yet, i've never had any kind of real desire to experience that myself. Around the time Goddess first asked, She didn't really care all that much if it was something i wanted. She just wanted to know if i would give my consent. i reluctantly did as generally i'm willing to do anything i can for Goddess D and Princess Sheridan if it makes Them happy and i think i can handle it. Goddess had me under the impression it was going to happen soon. Well, it didn't happen that weekend, and then after the recent ruined orgasm i kind of figured it might not happen at all. i kind of relaxed on that topic and mistakenly assumed that it was off the table for the time being.

Once Saturday came around this past weekend, i slowly picked up on some details that had me a little nervous. Goddess D made it pretty clear that i should be nervous, as the second part of the custom clip Princess Sheridan filmed for Goddess D was ready. The first part of the clip was for Goddess D's viewing only, giving Her instructions on how to treat me around the house, including subjects such as how to behave in public (always getting doors, walking behind Goddess, carrying Her bags, etc) as well as how She should treat me in the house (subbie meals, fetching things for Goddess, cleaning and anything else She could ever desire). i finally had a chance to see this clip, which also included a section where Princess addressed me directly about what was expected of me. As you could probably guess, Princess was extremely complimentary of Goddess D while pretty dismissive of me. It was definitely interesting to see the clip that communicated some early ideas to Goddess D, a great influence on how i've been treated by Goddess since.

Before we watched the second clip, Goddess D laid out some items on the bed. This included the paddle that had just arrived, a crop, and a glove. She started the clip on the big TV in our bedroom and it wasn't long before Princess Sheridan, looking extremely sexy as always in Her catsuit, was providing instructions for Goddess D on what She should do to me. Almost right away, i was laying down facing forward on the bed in chastity while i listened to Princess instruct Goddess to put on Her glove, lube up my ass and basically to get Her middle finger in there. Things got pretty real pretty fast. This clip ran over 10 minutes and for that entire duration, Goddess D was playing around in there, taking great delight in humiliating me in that manner. Meanwhile, i listened to Princess Sheridan tell me that this was what sex was going to be like from now on, that Goddess D doesn't need me to get Hers. Princess also expressed Her attraction for Goddess D while commenting on how the two of Them could use strap-ons on each other while basically discarding my pathetic self. i listened to all of this, for 10 minutes, laid out forward on the bed with a finger and eventually two fingers, in my ass. It's honestly embarrassing to even type these details. Princess also asked Goddess to spit in my mouth and in my face during the clip, and She gladly obliged. The physical abuse i endured was intense, but it's always the words that get to me the most in a situation like this. i get harder in my cage listening to Goddess D or Princess Sheridan reminding me of my hopeless chastity situation or degrading me in some other manner than anything else.

The clip ended with some words that were likely added as a late edit, as Princess had heard that the paddle arrived that day. Those words instructed Goddess D to go ahead and try out those new toys on me. i didn't really get any breaks. Instead i ended up with multiple whacks with this paddle from Goddess...

That thing may not look like much, but wow did it hurt. Goddess D wasn't even going that hard on me and each smack made my ass redder. By the time She got to whack #10 i was broken out in a sweat and hoping for it to stop. Goddess D had the cam running on this one and i forwarded the clip to Princess Sheridan later in the evening. She called me a pussy, and rightfully so as i could hardly take any of it without screaming. She did seem to love hearing Goddess D's laughter throughout though. i do believe that was the first time Princess Sheridan had a chance to see Goddess D in action, so that was kind of a special moment. :) Hopefully my screams didn't get in the way of it too much.

Prior to Saturday, i had never experienced any kind of anal play nor had i experienced much in the way of whipping or spanking. This will definitely serve as a deterrent should i step out of line in the future, as it was extremely painful to me despite the fact that i probably took a fraction of what many men can handle.

The more i've interacted with Goddess D over the last several days, the more i'm realizing just how very fucked i am. The whole thing is a complete mindfuck. She's merciless and She's enjoying it. She's not bullshitting me about it any more (She used to, back in the day). When She says she doesn't give a fuck about my orgasms She means it. When She says She wants to get off on my pain She means it. i generally read people very well and what i'm reading in Goddess D is scary. With the right push from Princess Sheridan, Goddess D has absolutely evolved into a sadist. She wants this without a doubt and that has turned my previous fantasies into what is now a reality. It's extremely sexy to me of course, but never in my life did i think i'd actually be in a position to be owned like this for real.

Even today, after being put back into my chastity cage, on a Monday night, Goddess chained me to the bed to fuck with me. She put on one of the bra and panties sets i bought Her on the shopping trip, pried my mouth open wide and dropped spit into it from way above multiple times. She buried my face in Her pussy and ass while my cock hopelessly pressed against its cage. About 45 minutes of the evening was just taken for purposes of torturing me, and She intends on making that a more regular occurrence. The few times She's tortured me this way when out of my cage, it has been nearly impossible to get me back in. And not because i'm hard, but simply because my balls are so swollen from it that it's difficult to get the ring around them.

Anyway, i don't need any more convincing. i know i'm pretty much in for it now and i have nobody to blame but myself. i've been all about exploring my fantasies for a long time and have been very open with Goddess D about those fantasies. i've definitely wanted to be sexually adventurous over the years in a variety of ways and we've certainly had our fair share of fun experiences. i always just figured we'd try something here, try something there, but nothing would really change in our day-to-day lives. Little did i know it at the time, but that all went out the window the day i decided to contact Princess Sheridan. i had no idea what i was stepping into and there is no escaping this tangled web now.

If following on along Twitter, i'm sure you've noticed more in the way of footage from some of our interactions taken by a low quality webcam, including some recent gifs. While these clips were taken more for the purposes of capturing screen shots and for our own personal viewing, some of them have been sexy enough that we may now be inspired to take it a step further. It sounds like Princess Sheridan has some interest in using some of our footage in Her clips based on what Goddess D has relayed to me. i have no idea the extent to which She'd want to do that but it of course would be an absolute honor.

We went ahead and ordered an HD webcam yesterday, so once that arrives we may be filming some more footage. Whatever gets filmed will pretty much be beyond my control. i consent to it of course but am not lying when i tell you that i'm extremely uneasy about the various ways i can look forward to being humiliated on video.

In a previous post i did mention the moment that Goddess D unexpectedly blasted a fart in my face with not a care in the world for my reaction and laughed about it. Well here's the exact moment it happened in a gif...

After Goddess D interacted with Yuri a bit about this on Twitter, and realizing that this spoke directly to one of his fetishes, Goddess shared the actual video clip with him. Yuri can correct me if i'm wrong of course but i do believe the clip received a rave review. :)

i really have no idea where this filming will go in the future but who knows, if the demand exists maybe we'll at some point get a little clip store set up and Goddess D could use any proceeds for whatever She desires. Probably nothing imminent though. We definitely can't show our faces and there would be a limited amount of interest. At the same time, Goddess doesn't really have any remorse for what She does to me so that could be a compensating factor!

i'm at over 80 days now without a pleasurable orgasm. i fully realize at this point that there's probably no way this will end at anything less than 100. i just can't help but wonder what the future holds. There isn't much indication that any mercy is imminent. It's so frustrating, yet so sexy.

Ruined Orgasm, Saran Wrap, Who Knows What's Next...

This past weekend was another eventful one with Goddess D. As you can see by the title, it actually involved a ruined orgasm, and one that was unexpected at that.

What led up to it really wasn't all that notable compared to what has been described in other posts. It was early on Saturday and we were just waking up. Goddess as She often does decided it was time to play and She cuffed me to the bed and took me out of my cage. She edges me often this way to get Herself off with the intention of denying me completely of course. The 70+ days denied and regular teasing and edging sessions with Goddess D, clips from Princess Sheridan and all of the other stimuli finally took a toll. While Goddess was edging me i felt myself getting really close much faster than normal. Goddess instructed me to warn Her to stop if i was getting too close, and i did. It didn't even matter. She stopped stroking me and it just still kept building until a mess just started pouring out uncontrollably.

In the past, Goddess would have probably been slightly amused and thought little of this. After all, this was completely uncontrollable no matter how much i tried to hold it in. It was in this moment that i realized just how far She has come as a Domme, because wow did She go off on me. This was no longer about me at all. It was about the fact that She was in a good rhythm and my worthless cock erupting distracted that rhythm. She had to stop what She was doing to keep it from getting on our sheets and didn't appreciate it at all, loudly calling me a pathetic piece of shit or something along those lines, and she caught me completely off guard by actually smacking me in the dick. This was not my wife of the past! Not long after this was all over i'm pretty sure that Goddess was proud of herself for the way She went off on me and messaged Princess Sheridan to tell Her all about it. i'm treated like nothing more than a toy to be used for their amusement at times. (A dream come true, clearly!)

After this happened, it got me thinking about how best to describe the counter posted on this site. i'm in chastity the majority of the time, but we all know i'm out of chastity often enough. i decided that in order to not be too misleading it made sense to change the counter from "days in chastity" to "days without pleasurable orgasm". That count has now reached 75 days and probably will continue for the foreseeable future. Honestly, a big part of me definitely misses being able to have real orgasms! i have all these clips and amazing experiences at this point and can do nothing about it! Yet, being controlled in this way never stops being hot as hell. Goddess D has suggested more than once getting to day 100, ruining an orgasm (and filming it) and starting over. But that's not really starting over! The fact that She would go so far as to even hint that 3 ruined orgasms and no real ones in a year would be a possible plan has me aching in frustration and arousal!

You'd think that would be enough for a day, but nope. We took a break so we could handle some real world tasks, and later that evening it was time for Goddess D to get out the saran wrap and basically turn me into a mummy and then do whatever She wanted with me. This was surprisingly effective. It's one thing to be tied or cuffed but in this position i was especially helpless...

Since this was the first time Goddess D had ever restrained me this way, She didn't keep me this way overnight or anything, although that was initially the plan. It's amazing how hot and uncomfortable it gets laying like this for a while. Eventually i'm sure i'll have to just deal with it as She won't always be so kind and She'll probably do much nastier things to me and leave me to think about it all night.

This time though, it was more of an opportunity for Goddess D to play it up for the webcam and to converse with Princess Sheridan. Once i was wrapped up, Princess wanted to work with Goddess D on her Domme skills. When reading sissy's blog not long ago i saw that Princess actually role played as a sub for sissy at one point in order to allow him some practice as a Domme. So after reading that i had a pretty good sense that She was about to try the same out with Goddess D. Goddess laid the laptop down on my chest and sat on my face while typing furiously to Princess Sheridan for quite a while. i just laid there the entire time with Goddess ass in my face while they had fun role playing Domme/sub with each other. As they were winding down in their discussion, Goddess just slugged me in the stomach out of nowhere. Oh, that was Princess Sheridan saying hello. Goddess D had no problem sending that message along to me.

For the next hour, Goddess facesat me, spit in my mouth multiple times, lightly trampled me and just did whatever She wished. She then got out the scissors and cut away some of the saran wrap so She could pull my chastised cock out and play with that. She couldn't have done that soon enough because it was getting crushed with the laptop a bit and just really needed some air. This isn't a pretty sight at all and we wisely kept these pics off Twitter as a result, but you can see just how red i was down there after Goddess pulled me up through the plastic.

Oh, and of course Goddess had to get Her vibrator ready. She gets so excited while torturing me. More so now than ever before. As Princess Sheridan said, the power is intoxicating and sure enough, Goddess D is very much embracing and enjoying being a Domme.

                                      

Goddess rode me a bit, edged me, had an orgasm Herself and pretty much gave me a facial with it when She was done. Once again, just used as a toy and discarded.

                                     

When this was all over, there was probably a solid hour of footage taken on webcam and the audio came out very well. Just listening back to all that Goddess D was saying throughout that experience was crazy to me. i just can't imagine She would have ever sounded this way in the past. Furthermore we have never filmed any kind of bedroom interaction. i'm biased of course but this was honestly pretty damn hot!

One other recent development is that Princess Sheridan has provided me with a link to purchase a variety of whips, paddles, etc, and has informed me that Goddess D will be marking Her property. i submitted the order yesterday. i'm not sure if this was always in the plans or the result of anything specific i did to deserve it, but either way i'm kind of petrified on this one. This is one of those things i've never been really into but at the same time it doesn't cross a hard boundary for me. So i guess i'm just going to have to take it. i want to please Princess Sheridan and Goddess D of course and it's always an honor to submit to them.

i'm still very much adjusting to being a 24/7 sub. There are times that i worry i don't have all of the subbie qualities that Princess expects and even candidly admitted as much to Goddess D during a very open and honest conversation about all of the wonderful craziness that has been happening lately. The funny thing is i must have phrased my concerns poorly because Goddess D may have taken it as if i was considering quitting or something, which was NEVER the case. The beauty of it was Goddess' reaction though. She just basically said no, we're not quitting. She likes this too much is having too much fun and seems 100% determined to continue on. That's both amazing to me and scary at the same time. Three months ago, in my wildest dreams i couldn't have imagined a case where i would the one expressing concerns about being dominated while my Wife was the one all gung ho about it and wanting more!

Everything about this has been a welcome challenge. And believe me it is a challenge at times. One thing that i never anticipated would be all the different ways that Princess would challenge me to put Goddess D first and to consider Her needs at all times. i firmly believe we've had one of the healthiest and most well respected marriages around before this even started, and yet these experiences are bringing us even closer every day. Who knew that femdom could be so powerful on that level? Well, it's not just femdom on its own. It's also Princess Sheridan, a one-of-a-kind Domme who dove head first into the complexity of getting involved with a married couple on this level. i don't think most Dommes would even be willing to take the chance of getting intertwined in all of the swirling feelings and emotions within a marriage and this super intense subject matter. Not only was She willing, but She was looking for such an opportunity.

i'll fearfully be keeping an eye out for what comes in the mail. Can't say i'd be too disappointed if those shipments don't arrive until next week. :)

Does This Webcam Record?

After that last post, which was a little on the heavy side and not all that fun, i'm glad to bounce back with something a bit more entertaining. In reference to that last post though, i'm certainly happy that Princess Sheridan has expressed an understanding of the fact that my transition to serving isn't a change that fully happens overnight. There will be struggles, but we're still enjoying the ride!

On to a more pleasant subject, for the interest of the readers anyway. Yesterday marked day 69 in chastity for Goddess D. In honor of that special occasion, Goddess wanted to actually assume that position, but with me still locked up of course. She wanted to capture pictures of it, but to this point all of the pics you've seen have been taken on one of our cell phones, making it pretty difficult to capture any "action" photos well. At first this was no big deal, but Goddess D has definitely expressed an interest in showing off a little bit. The idea then struck me that although the quality may not be ideal, our laptops do have webcams built in. Even if the microphone didn't work, if i could figure out how to set the laptop up in the right place and how to set it to record video, we could always take snapshots of any clip we recorded.

After a little bit of experimenting i quickly learned how to use the webcam. Not the greatest quality, but it worked. Goddess D was happy to see this and ordered me to strip down so we could test this out a little bit. Kind of an awkward feeling as believe it or not we've never seen ourselves in that manner on video, but kind of fun too. i laid down and Goddess D climbed on top of me and messed with my locked up cock in the 69 position. She seemed to enjoy sitting on my face and grabbing hold of me down there, even leaning forward and putting Her mouth over the cage. Obviously i couldn't feel a thing but that didn't stop me from trying to get hard in there. It seemed longer but that clip wasn't even two minutes old when we decided to stop and see what we could do to capture the images. Fortunately, it worked and Goddess D posted the images to Twitter.

Despite the limited quality, the Twitter reaction was notable. That post definitely received a lot more attention than any other. To this point i've only communicated that stuff like this happens, but this is really the first visual proof. Adds a little credibility, right? :)

Once we captured some photos Goddess D and i just watched the clip. i couldn't even tell if the microphone picked up anything or not. Why would that be important? Oh, i forgot to mention that for reasons i can not explain, Goddess D took pleasure in ripping a fart right into my face without warning. She's really not ashamed to degrade me on that level, and actually enjoys doing it at times. It was pretty overwhelming, but yet i'm almost embarrassed to say that it turned me on even more. The microphone picked this up just fine, in addition to Her giggling about it and adding "you like that"? Who knew that the first experimental clip we filmed would be so action packed?

i'm more than a little concerned that Goddess will be looking to show off a lot more this weekend. No promises or anything but it wouldn't surprise me if She has some evil ideas ahead in the bedroom, and just maybe, She'll choose to run the cam and capture some of it. Definitely some exciting possibilities!

By the way, big thanks to Yuri for referring me to the chastity counter which can now be found at the top of my blog! About 70 full days as of the time of this post.

Difficult Transition

While i doubt too many people are closely following my Twitter profile, anyone who has may have noticed that i've recently been demoted from "dummy" to "bitch". Not sure if that's a permanent or temporary move, but i earned it.

One consequence of writing detailed blog posts and expressing just about everything that is on my mind relating to my new experiences as a sub, is that Princess Sheridan has a way of reading through an entire post (a long post) and picking out that one sentence that could be an indicator of a weakness or a screw-up on my part. She sniffs it out like an expert detective and i'm astounded by Her attention to detail. i had NO IDEA what i was really getting into when making the commitment to serve Princess. i'm very glad i did, and so is Goddess D, but wow these interactions are intense and they impact my psyche more than anything has in a very long time.

i was very happy to see that Princess Sheridan seemed to enjoy my last blog post. i enjoyed writing it, and almost needed to write it as there were all kinds of thoughts swirling through my mind over the weekend. One thing i did point out towards the end of the post was that i intended to be brutally honest and not portray everything as some kind of perfect fantasy (Most of it really is! But not everything.) i inferred that despite all of the amazing interaction between Goddess D and i, that we have had a few hiccups at times. As exciting as this experience is, it shouldn't be difficult to understand that with it comes some supercharged emotions every now and then, especially as new as it is to both of us. The details aren't important nor are they appropriate for the blog, but one of our bigger bumps in the road took place on Saturday night. It can be described as a pretty common disagreement between a married couple, and by late morning on Sunday we had some great conversation, had ironed it all out and were right back on track. But that's not really the point, is it? Princess Sheridan messaged me asking for details on some of these disagreements with Goddess D. Trust me, i knew i was screwed right then and there. i've read Princess Sheridan's blog. i know where She stands on what is expected of a sub. i know that in a difficult moment i came up woefully short of that expectation. Period.

It was an odd day for sure yesterday. On one hand Princess Sheridan's interview came out along with the clip She associated with it. i really enjoyed each and let Her know. If anybody hasn't seen it yet, and i highly doubt that's the case, here's the link:

Feature Interview: Princess Sheridan

Princess and i interacted a bit over DM about that and eventually the chat led to Her even suggesting the possibility of my being allowed to come at some point if my behavior met expectations (with Goddess D's approval of course). Even then there was no guarantee i'd meet whatever expectations She had in mind. However, in the middle of that conversation i was drafting up an email to Her about the argument with Goddess D on Saturday night. You don't even really need more details than that to know that i was screwed.

There's no possibility that an argument with my Domme is acceptable. The moment i sent the email i knew that Princess would be raining fire down on me soon enough. i wasn't sure when or how, but i knew i could expect something. i sent it, and i took my medicine. i wouldn't have it any other way. It's a reality that i need work as a sub. i'd have loved to just snap into being the perfect sub from the very beginning but i'm admittedly struggling in certain cases to swallow my pride and change the tendencies i've had for years. it's one thing for somebody to "session" with a Domme, or check in a few times a day and be appropriately subservient in those moments. It's an entirely different thing to be held to that standard 24/7 while sharing your life with a Domme. Not making excuses by any means, but i have improvements to make. Sometimes i feel like i need a time out from being subservient to take on "real life", when in reality i should be making being subservient a part of "real life". i have every intention of making that change. i just don't think i ever fully realized how high the bar would be until now.

Anyway, sure enough, Princess was not happy with me. She told me exactly how i should have handled the situation. She ordered me to change my name to "Goddess D's Bitch" and that the first words to come out of my mouth the next time i talked to Goddess were to be "i know i am Your bitch. i will try my hardest to become a better bitch for You." It should go without saying that this isn't the type of exchange that i enjoy. i felt like shit immediately for allowing this to happen and still do.

On one hand i don't think there was any way of avoiding this. It's a learning experience i needed to go through in order to bring the issue to the forefront so i could correct it. i've been reflective all day and really thought through how i could've handled everything differently. After work today, Goddess D and i had a very productive conversation. Obviously i want to make changes and let Her know as much. At the same time i at least wanted to express some of my internal fears to her that come with submitting on that level. i'm a passionate person. i'm a social person. i've always taken stands based on certain principles, not just in interactions with Goddess D but with anyone. Much of that has resulted in me being the person i am today, and deep down there's probably a fear that i'll lose an important part of my identity. The reassuring part is that i know that's the last thing Goddess D wants. i can swallow my pride, apologize, and at the appropriate moment explain myself and have constructive conversation again, once all of our short-term emotions have passed and there's a better forum for discussion. i just need to have that trust in Her, and there's no reason i shouldn't.

This hasn't been a sexy post by any means. It's a little on the serious side and an unpleasant one for me to write. Hopefully not too much of a buzzkill for anybody reading it. No worries though, there will be no shortage of exciting stories ahead, even if a lot of it comes at my expense!

i can't help but now realize that Princess Sheridan knows more about about the inner workings of our relationship than any family or close friends that we have. Just such a crazy thought considering that we didn't even know Her a few months ago and there are so many things about Her we'll never know. Despite all that i've always prided myself on being a good judge of character and i have absolute trust in Princess Sheridan. Yeah, i'll get my ass handed to me often and Princess will be merciless. Sometimes in a fun way, sometimes not so fun. This isn't always easy for me, but it's worth it. i just hope that i am able serve both Her and Goddess D at the level they deserve.

Here's to hoping that my next blog post is filled with sexy, crazy and kinky stories instead of another description of how i fucked up!

So Much to Process!

i'm not really sure where i want to go with this blog post, but feel like there are a lot of things on my mind worth sharing, at least as an exercise for myself to get some of this out there. So fair warning that this will probably be long and all over the place, kind of freestyle.

i'll start with the events of this weekend. Friday night was actually pretty quiet for the majority of the night but finished up with probably the most painful chastity experience yet, one in which i was close to sort of "tapping out" and seriously begging to be let out. After a long week of work if we don't have plans to go out it often ends up being an opportunity to unwind a bit. i got home from work, kissed Goddess D's feet as always, and She made sure i was back in chastity immediately. For much of the night we just kind relaxed and watched TV. i was starting to doze off around midnight, figuring things would probably just pick up the next day, at which point Goddess D noticed and apparently had a lot of energy left, deciding that She wasn't going to allow me to fall asleep. i swear sometimes She just waits for an opportunity when i'm half awake and unsuspecting and then uses it to take advantage of me and goes into attack mode.

Goddess D climbed on top of me in a position in which a normal couple would be able to have sex, but of course that wasn't an option for me. my body reacted of course. She took that opportunity to remind me that i'm never going to come, that Princess Sheridan is going to keep playing with my head, and She is going to keep playing with my body. There are some very effective recurring themes in Her verbal taunts focused on how i used to be able to have sex with Her and that's now over. i could go on and on. One of these days we should have a recorder running because i'm pretty sure listening to Goddess D's verbal beatdown would be enough to drive a lot of subs out there crazy.

i was quickly straining against my chastity cage and in pain, and Goddess D ran off into the other room to change into something sexier. She came back and hovered over me looking absolutely incredible and all of a sudden it was just too much. Yes, the straining against the cage hurt, but what hurt more was that "blue balls" feeling. It was an intense aching pain in the pit of my stomach and felt almost as if i had just been kicked in the nuts. Suddenly i was literally writhing in pain and almost curling into the fetal position. 

Goddess D didn't seem to care at all! She was enjoying my reaction so much She actually got up and took a picture of me. It was never Tweeted because it was just too dark to be worthwhile, but because it's so dark i can at least post it here as it's dark enough to conceal my appearance. i didn't even know that Goddess D was taking the picture, i was just in agony with my forearm over my eyes.

Shortly after this Goddess D cuffed me to the bed, allowing her to, when She desires, take off my chastity device and play around with me a bit. While i know i'm not permitted to come whether cuffed or not, Goddess knows that on one hand, things get to me so much more when i know it's forced and i have no ability to escape. i'll serve Her at any time but usually only get hard when i feel like i'm in over my head without any physical control of the situation (which works for being in chastity as well as being physically restrained in other ways). She also knows that if close to orgasm when not cuffed, that's pretty much my weakest moment where i'd be most likely to lose control. As for taking me out of the cage at all, it's not that She wants me to experience pleasure so much as the fact that She gets off hearing my moans and feeling me inside Her on occasion for brief periods of time while knowing i'm not allowed to come. Eventually in this case Her vibrator came out, as it usually does, and She had an orgasm while holding my denied manhood in Her hand. About 20 minutes later She had cleaned Herself up and seemed ready to sleep. i was too worked up to sleep and am a night owl most of the time anyway, so at this point i was the one staying up later.

i logged back on to Twitter and noticed that Princess Sheridan was pretty active retweeting an exchange She was having with denied boy. i favorited some of that exchange which included one of the writing tasks She commonly assigns to Her subs. Admittedly i have no idea of the history that led to the exchange but i found it entertaining.

Up until this point the interaction between Princess Sheridan, Goddess D and myself has been primarily between either Princess Sheridan and Goddess D, or between Goddess D and myself. As many can tell by now, Princess Sheridan has been generously acting as a mentor to Goddess D. The majority of the time i'm being dominated it involves Goddess D acting on ideas communicated with Princess Sheridan, and they seem to communicate with each other very regularly. Of course I hear from Princess as well on occasion, but usually to make sure i'm serving Goddess properly, to make sure we're both having fun, etc. Princess definitely puts me in my place over DM often enough, but that's been the extent of a lot of our interaction to this point, as the only real task i was assigned was the body writing task.

By now, while i've witnessed so many of the tasks completed by "SheridansFucktards" - an exclusive group to which i've had the honor of being recently added, i started to think that Princess might spare me from many of those tasks in favor of more specific interactions with Goddess D. So it was kind of a surprise on Friday night when Princess Sheridan noticed that i was active on Twitter and reached out to me over DM and took things a level further.

Of course i agreed at the very beginning that i was on board with any arrangement that was acceptable to Princess Sheridan and Goddess D. i didn't want to overstep any boundaries and make Goddess D uncomfortable, but at the same time was pretty confident that once She was comfortable with Princess Sheridan that Goddess D would be very open to and entertained by Princess Sheridan talking down to me and ordering me to serve in various ways.

As usual, in this conversation with Princess Sheridan, She made sure that Goddess D was being properly served. She's complimentary to Goddess every single time and puts Her first, which is very considerate and much appreciated. However, this time Princess had a little bit more to discuss. First, She wanted to check in and make sure that i was buying Her clips, which i had agreed to do consistently, and told me to step it up (more on this in a bit). She wanted to make sure that i do indeed want to spoil Her and i responded that i do of course, that She works hard, is magnificent and deserves it. It didn't take Princess long to respond and let me know that i'm a worm, pathetic and undeserving. And to drive that point home i received a task:

"i am Princess Sheridan's undeserving pathetic worm. ---200 times--- hearts over the "i"s. Git it shithead?"

That caught me off guard, but i did agree to be owned by both Princess Sheridan and Goddess D, right? So be it then. i was going to have to do some writing the next day to reinforce my place relative to Princess Sheridan, and felt privileged to receive the assignment.

As if that wasn't enough, Princess followed up with:

"Tweet this: i will gladly suck the cock of My owner @TheGoddessD1 's lover if She chooses to cuckold me."

Yikes! i'm pretty sure that Princess is well aware that this is not one of my fetishes. But i think that's the point. While i enjoy the challenge of making reads on what Princess Sheridan is trying to do and why, only She really knows. In this case perhaps She was testing me to see if i'd be compliant in Tweeting something that goes pretty strongly against anything i'm interested in. She had to know that this created conflicting feelings in me. It's a greater level of submission and pretty humbling to Tweet publicly. If i were to rate a fetish on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being a hard limit and out of the question and 10 being something that really excites me to the max, cuckolding in favor of another man would be a solid 1, and i doubt that's terribly surprising. Side note: No judging of anyone who has that fetish, as i have nothing but respect for whatever it is that makes people tick. It's just not for me. Anyway, i Tweeted it. She quoted it. Ugh lol...

Now, getting back to the subject of buying Princess Sheridan's clips... This gives me an opportunity to weigh in on just how much i admire Princess Sheridan's business model. It's absolutely brilliant, maximizes Her success and is fulfilling for all parties involved. i could be wrong but would venture to guess that nobody else in the industry operates in quite the same manner as Princess Sheridan, and it drives Her success. Take Goddess D and i as an example. We've probably been open to something like this for quite some time. If we decided to reach out to a Domme somewhere, we would definitely get something out of it, but more than likely would only be able to block off an hour or two at a time, pay a rate of "x" per hour, and go on with our lives. It would be beneficial to our relationship on some level but at the end of the day, we would have probably never gone down that path as we may not have assessed the cost/benefit as being worth it. At best we'd probably try something one time but wouldn't continue for any extended period of time.

Princess Sheridan could easily charge "x" per hour Herself for what She has done for Goddess D and i, and for all of Her subs. She'd even be successful under that model. But what i love about Princess is that She sees a bigger picture. All i was looking for initially was a $100 custom clip and a cheap thrill. How many Dommes film that clip like any other transaction and just move on? Maybe They get some repeat business, maybe They don't, but what's missing is personal interaction. That personal interaction, if the Domme can devote the time, can increase their business tenfold. Of course, not all Dommes are as experienced and knowledgeable and have the same strengths as Princess Sheridan, and different styles work for different people.

The point is, with what started as me seeking a cheap thrill, within about a month has resulted in my being a devoted sub to Princess Sheridan. This will involve clip purchases roughly weekly and occasional custom clips as well. It also has made me more devoted to Goddess D. And now Goddess D has Her own Twitter account, more than 100 followers already and seems well on her way to being a recognizable Domme on some level? This is crazy. And it would never have been possible if not for the genius of Princess Sheridan. Instead of "x" per hour, Princess Sheridan probably far exceeds whatever "x" would be. By leaving it open ended and not specifically "invoicing" Her subs all the time, i'm willing to bet that many subs come in on the very generous side of things when it comes to consistent business, gifts, etc. Princess doesn't have one of the most successful studios on Kinkbomb by accident! We all do really want to spoil Princess Sheridan after all. Princess always has the ability as She sees fit, to determine if a sub isn't doing enough for Her and can manage Her valuable time accordingly. She'll of course push us to make sure we're doing all we can. :)

And there's another element to all of this. Promotion. What better way to promote Yourself as a Domme than to take all of these interactions with the subbie "fucktards" public? Princess Sheridan's impact is all over Twitter every single day. It could be me being Goddess D's shopping bitch. It could be Yuri completing a writing assignment (or something far more creative), sissy producing a promotional clip, or anything else that Princess requires of Her subs. These are real people all over the world doing Her bidding and giving instant credibility to Her influence to anyone who comes across Her profile on Twitter. Truly brilliant. i'm proud to be a part of this, although i must say already that i feel like i'm in over my head when i compare myself to many of the other subs serving Princess. Their devotion and creativity is so impressive. i have the devotion but have never been much of an artist or creative person. i would categorize myself as more business-minded and math & science focused. As Princess Sheridan points out in Her own blog though, no two subs are exactly the same. It's pretty cool to be associated with so many people with so much passion and different very impressive skill sets.

Speaking of which, i assume most readers of this blog have seen Princess Sheridan's blog, but if anyone hasn't please check it out. There's an endless amount of great material that supports much of what i said in the preceding paragraphs. Her blog is truly what drove me to order a custom clip from Her in the first place, though i had no idea things would develop to this point:

Princess Sheridan's Blog

On the subject of purchasing clips, i do find that this is one of my greatest struggles in an arrangement with two Dommes. One one hand, Princess Sheridan absolutely does deserve to be spoiled, as does Goddess D. We're not what i'd consider rich (everything is relative of course), but definitely successful enough where there's not a major issue in making sure that happens. At the same time, anything i spend on Princess Sheridan is coming out of funds already pooled with Goddess D. So i have to make sure that 1) Princess is being compensated fairly and getting what She deserves (this is Her livelihood after all, not a charity), while 2) making sure that we're not spending so much as to impede our financial goals as a couple. This is the one place where i feel very much caught in the middle. It's something that i do have to discuss with Goddess often and make sure we're on the same page. In an extreme circumstance for example, if i had a thing for financial domination, then Goddess D is indirectly getting dominated as well. Clearly not an option. Fortunately i've interacted with and read enough from Princess Sheridan to know that She expects a lot from Her subs, but also appreciates them and looks out for their well-being. Goddess D and i gladly paid a $100 tribute unsolicited the time that Princess Sheridan spent interacting with Goddess D on the first day, and i've purchased about 25-30 clips since, and look forward to purchasing more each week as much as possible. Obviously nothing like this was ever in our budget initially but we're both still so glad that our world opened up like this and it has been well worth every penny spent to date!

i did warn that this blog post would be all over the place right? So, back to the writing task. i mentioned this caught me off guard. Honestly, it caught Goddess D off guard too. i told her about it at about 3 AM when She was groggy and it was a little bit for Her to process, the fact that i would be spending hours the next day writing that i was another Woman's pathetic worm, lol. It's only natural that as things progress, Goddess D and i will both have some moments of hesitancy, but those things that test us are also things that challenge the status quo a bit and provide excitement. By morning, once Goddess D was awake and had some time to ponder, She immediately instructed me to get started on the task. About 20 lines in, She decided to pull out Her vibrator (yes, again...) while i was toiling through the task.

By the way, another side note: i wouldn't make anything like this up. Just in case anybody has any doubts about how i present this blog, i'm not about creating some bullshit fantasy that doesn't actually happen in real life for the benefit of the readers. i intend to be very honest about what's happening, especially in the blog. i've said it before and i'll say it again. Goddess D and i have our moments where things derail on occasion. Those are almost always caused by normal disagreements that can take place in any relationship based on outside stresses and things that happen in our public lives. When that's happening we both kind of take a brief "time out", but usually are able to resolve that and get back on the horse pretty quickly. At the same time, if it seems far fetched that i have a photograph of Goddess D getting Herself off while i'm writing "i am Princess Sheridan's undeserving pathetic worm." over and over again, let me assure you that's exactly what happened.

This actually isn't a still photograph. I was taking video and took a screen shot. Goddess D didn't even realize i was taking it at that moment:

i guess i should leave it there with this post. Goddess D has been interacting with Princess Sheridan often this evening and i have a feeling there's some scary stuff in my near future. i'll save any of that for the next blog post!

Shopping Bitch

This post was a long time coming, as Goddess D informed me a while back that we were going shopping. It wasn't difficult for me to figure out that this was directly related to the custom clip that Princess Sheridan made for Goddess D. The idea of going shopping with Goddess knowing that i would be subjected to specific behavioral expectations made me uneasy on many levels. i'm always particularly nervous about the risk of making a scene in public. Any kind of "over-the-top" level of public embarrassment would be out of the question, but i do have trust that between Princess Sheridan and Goddess D, they wouldn't push anything to a level where anything we did would make too much of a scene. Aside from those concerns, i just can't express enough how much i have always abhorred shopping in any form. That kind of made this the perfect torture and Goddess D knew it all along. i hadn't even set foot in a mall in the past decade other than to meet people for lunch.

Just before leaving the house, Goddess informed me that i was expected to wear my chastity cage during the trip. For some reason this surprised me initially. my mind was much more on the shopping experience than being in chastity, but there was no reason why i couldn't experience both i suppose. In the car ride on the way to the mall, Goddess D began to lay out expectations for my behavior. i was to walk a few feet behind her at all times. Any time i wanted to talk, i was to ask "may i speak?". When in a store, it was my responsibility to carry anything Goddess had selected for purchase, and to hand these items to Her at the checkout before providing Her my credit card for payment. i was also not to make eye contact with the sales clerk. And speaking of the sales clerk, whenever possible Goddess was trying to ensure that a cute girl was ringing us up, just to add to my embarrassment level. Admittedly, this instruction concerned me slightly. i always make it a point to make eye contact with people and never want to disrespect anyone whether i know them or not. So if i was directly addressed this would have been difficult and i expressed that concern to Goddess. Fortunately, since i was standing behind Goddess and not subject to that kind of direct interaction, this ended up being a non-issue. Can you tell how paranoid i was about all of this?

When we parked at the mall, as always i was to open the car door and doors in the mall for Goddess. I held Her coat and purse while walking behind Her. While Goddess didn't wear anything particularly scandalous, She still selected a pretty form-fitting outfit that showed off Her magnificent ass. For several hours i had a chance to walk behind Her in chastity while admiring Her.

We arrived at the first store and pretty quickly i had my hands full with many items selected for purchase ranging from sweaters to accessories to underwear. i already was holding Goddess' coat and purse in one arm, so everything else ended up in my other arm. She selected so many items that i was quickly fumbling. The hangers were digging into my hand and at one point i dropped an item. Seeing that i couldn't pick it up without probably dropping everything else, Goddess reached down to pick it up, gave it back to me with a look of disdain and told me to get it together. Already overwhelmed, little did i know that Goddess and Princess Sheridan would be directly communicating with each other. Goddess kept Her phone in my jacket pocket and every time i heard it go off, i asked for permission to speak before letting Her know that She had a message from Princess. i could only imagine what they were talking about, but with Princess directly involved i especially knew that this shopping trip wasn't going to be very easy on me.

i waited outside the dressing room at that first store for quite some time while Goddess tried on Her clothes. Eventually, we proceeded to check out as i methodically handed each item over to Goddess at the counter, followed by my credit card of course. i avoided eye contact with the cashier and took Goddess' bags for Her. i was quite relieved to have all of that stuff packaged up and bagged, reducing the chances that i'd drop anything. When we left that store i briefly forgot to walk behind Goddess and was given a stern look immediately. i got the message. Goddess, after some interaction with Princess then took the opportunity to whisper in my ear that i did a good job, but that if i were to fuck up She'd pull my pants down, chastity device and all, in front of the entire mall.

After shopping at a few other stores and purchasing items at at least 3 or 4 of them, apparently Princess Sheridan asked Goddess D if i had my phone with me. When She confirmed that i did, the following message appeared on my phone from Princess:

"You fucking piece of shit. Hand this phone over to Goddess D you fucktard. Don't forget again. Don't make Her take it idiot... hand it over before you go out from now on."

So, that message made me jump and of course i turned the phone over. Funny thing is that was probably only the second time i even looked at it. i received a text from a friend that i couldn't respond to early in the evening because my hands were full, and then once Princess messaged me the phone was in Goddess D's hands.

One of our last stops was Victoria's Secret. By then i was carrying several of Goddess' bags along with Her coat and purse, and it was starting to be a spectacle. Of course there were a few young and cute girls working there and i just looked down as Goddess took Her time browsing most of the store. After that purchase and with my arms and back starting to hurt a little bit, Princess Sheridan asked Goddess D to take a picture of me. i'm sure Princess was amused with the image, as she very quickly edited out my face so Goddess could post the pic on Twitter with the caption "Making a monkey out of My shopping bitch. #Paypig #Walletslave #Findom":

Of course, i was there to serve and to do whatever was asked of me by Goddess D or Princess Sheridan. Internally however, by this point i was exhausted and so very much hoping that Goddess D was satisfied with Her shopping and ready to go. Unfortunately for me, Goddess wanted to browse handbags at a department store, so we did that for another 20-30 minutes until the mall was about ready to close. As we approached the door to finally leave, i started to skip ahead. In my mind i needed to get out to the car so i could bring it back to the door to pick up Goddess, but i was too anxious in doing so and as a result briefly walked in front of Goddess D. A quick snap of Her fingers had me back in my place. When we reached the door i finally retrieved the car, loaded up the bags and opened the door for Goddess D.

When we returned home, Goddess D piled on the humiliation. i had yet to eat dinner so She took the opportunity to make sure i had a subbie dinner, eaten naked on the floor like a dog after She had spit in my food. i was also bent over Her lap and spanked a few times for some of the mistakes i made during the shopping trip. Goddess said i did well overall though and asked how i would grade myself. I suggested a "B" and Goddess agreed, though i'm thinking Princess may not have been so generous.

Serving Goddess D is always an honor and this trip definitely taught me a lot about how far i have to go to serve Her in all situations. After so many years of marriage and so many built-up alpha-male tendencies outside of the bedroom, this is a major adjustment. An adjustment that is well worth it however as serving Goddess D in all parts of life helps to legitimize my subservient status to Her in sexual situations as well. This transformation is a fulfilling one without a doubt, so i hope to form better habits going forward any time Goddess and i go out together.

In case anyone was curious, some of Goddess D's purchases are captured in this picture, everything She's wearing actually except for the bracelet:

i think She did quite well. :) Now if only i could get permission to come... Day 62 just started and i'm more and more tormented each day.